WRITING Dancing On My Own
It's hardly ever discussed, that strange limbo state many writers find themselves in. Having signed with an agent a few years ago, but with no publishing deal on the horizon, what next for Jo Thomas?
Of all the writerly topics you can spend your days happily procrastinating reading about, this isn’t something I’ve ever really seen mentioned. A few weeks back, I put a message on a popular writing Facebook group – with nearly 700 members – asking if anyone was in the same situation as me, and only one person replied to say yes.
So what is this mysterious situation I find myself in?
I’ve got a foot on the ladder, but only on the first rung. For over five years, I’ve been hanging around in the lobby, but I’ve still not been let into the party. In other words, I’m an agented but unpublished writer.
When us writers imagine the next chapter of the story after the euphoria of getting an agent, it usually involves a swift scene segue to more popping of corks, celebrating the even higher high of securing a book deal. But that’s not what happened in my case and anecdotally I know it’s not the case for quite a lot of others. Not that securing an agent wasn’t every bit as exhilarating as I’d always hoped it would be – getting the call from my agent saying she wanted to represent me still ranks as one of the happiest moments of my life. I’m welling up just thinking about it now. It’s just that the bit that comes after that in my writing journey isn’t quite as sparkly and joyful.
When writers imagine the next chapter of the story after the euphoria of getting an agent, it usually involves a swift scene segue to more popping of corks, celebrating...a book deal
To be honest, my situation has probably been more drawn out than it might otherwise have been due to the small matter of having a baby and then a little old global pandemic. But the not-getting-published part of my journey happened before either of those things. Once I got my agent, it took just shy of a year to do two sets of rewrites and prepare the book to go out on submission. Then it took coming up to nine months for all the publishers to find time to read it and gradually, gradually let us know that it was… with regret… this time… a pass.
As we’re told time and time again, yet can’t fully appreciate until we’re in the middle of it, everything to do with publishing is SSSSSLLLLLOOOOOWWWW
The only way out of my situation – the only way out of any sticky writing situation if we’re honest – is to write. With hindsight, this is what I should’ve done more of. When my book was out on submission, when I’d heard I wouldn’t be a published author yet, when I had even the slightest whiff of energy for something other than getting through the day. Now I realise, the more you write just for the hell of it, the quicker it is to get back in the saddle next time. To learn to love writing for its own worth, not because of what might come of it, that’s the real work of becoming a writer.
Just recently, I’ve discovered flash fiction as a good way to work out my writing muscles without pressure, without judgement, without expectations. Over the last decade I’ve worked out I’m a procrastinator perfectionist extraordinaire with a huge fear of failure, conditioned in all sorts of ways to value praise and approval from others above my own internal motivation (writing has a way of helping you dig down into your psyche whether you like it or not!). So it’s not surprising that there have been long periods of infuriating paralysis when I’ve not been able to work on the very story my heart wants to tell more than anything.
To learn to love writing for its own worth, not because of what might come of it, that’s the real work of becoming a writer
I suppose it’s that writing stories is its own party. Just in the simple act of doing it, of getting your words out, you’ve already got a seat at the top table. There may be practical hoops to jump through to get your book published, but why not let loose on your own little dance floor right where you are while you’re getting ready to leap?
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Fran Price is Deputy Editor for Words & Pictures magazine. Contact: deputyeditor@britishscbwi.org
Loved reading Dancing On My Own. Encouraging- which i need at this moment. I did try to follow you on twitter but the account is not currently live. Keep going Jo
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